The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
