so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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