Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
