just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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