I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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