:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
