So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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