Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My liver just broke up with me...
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
