How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
