you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
