I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
