ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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