i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
