she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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