He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize