Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
