i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
