I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
