I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
