In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
