Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
