no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
