Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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