When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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