You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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