How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
