and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you traded sex for a burrito?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Houston, we have a squirter
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
