Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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