Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
