i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
