all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
