So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
