I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
