Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
