ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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