I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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