god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
