I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I am naked and annoyed.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
