The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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