just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
