never play flip cup with pint glasses
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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