That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
