can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
