fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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