Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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