mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I am naked and annoyed.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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