So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
