you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
