You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
