She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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