there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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