I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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