I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
