I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
