how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
