Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
