I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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