Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
