Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Redeem this text for a blowjob
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
