I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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