You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
no you cant smoke seaweed
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
