Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
