i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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