i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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