I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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