so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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