And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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