She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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