sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
